Tap Dancing on My Nerves Conversation

Michelle told me a story around Christmas . . . . actually to be more accurate it was Christmas Eve in which this story took place. It has happened to her before, it's happened to me before and I am sure you have experienced it as well. Only, you haven't noticed it before and neither did I until this enlightening conversation with Michelle. I now notice it so much that it TAP DANCES ON MY NERVES. Therefore, I will bring this occurrence to your attention so you can share the annoyance with me . . . it actually gives you a good story to tell your friends after it happens to you; so, enjoy.

Now, Michelle is a pleasant person. She's helpful, nice, supportive, gives excellent advice. However, you can push that button fast. This Christmas Eve, Michelle's button was pushed by a . . . . . what's a good word for these types of people . . . . stupid person. This "stupid person" (I'm sure you know a version of him) asked Michelle a stupid question: "Are these seats reserved?" Michelle then looks at the RESERVED sign posted at the end of about three rows of chairs and, of course, replies, "Yes." Astonishingly, the conversation continues:

"Well, do you know why they are reserved?"

"Uh, no, I'm sorry, I don't know."

"Well, I was going to move my family up to these seats because they are closer."

"Okay, well, I don't know who they are for."

"Well, I really wanted to move up. Do you think I could do that?"

"Sir, I don't know who the seats are for, so I don't know if they would mind. I just don't know."

"Okay, well, if you see anybody, can you ask them if they would let my family move up here?"

"Sir, I am sure they are reserved for a reason, so I'm not going to ask them."

"Okay, so should I ask them?"

"Okay," and Michelle walks away.

Once she told me this story I recalled a slight, faded memory of this happening to me, but surely, this was not a regular occurrence with people. However, "stupid people" will never let you down. Since this conversation, this situation has occurred in my life at an alarming rate. One day it happened four times.

I work in a coffee shop, so I get a lot of those: "Are yawl like a Starbucks?" or the "Can you make a peppermint hot chocolate like Starbucks?" I would like to reply, "Oh, gosh, you know, actually Starbucks has a hold on all peppermint and chocolate syrups in the entire world, so we can't, sorry." This people are idiots, but I embrace them because it makes me laugh and I can tell my friends about these people and brush them off. However, the people of the "stupid people" category we have created, I cannot brush off nor laugh at because the questions they ask jump on and swing on my nerves. For instance:

"Does yawl's computer work back here?"

"Uh, let me see. Yep, it's working."

"Well, my computer doesn't work up at the front."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not really good with computers. Maybe you can ask the company computer guy."

"Oh, well, I don't really know what to ask him. It's saying some kind of error? . . . ."

"Oh, I have no clue what that means, so . . ."

PAUSE. They just stare.

"But your computer works back here?"

"Yes, it works."

"Okay, well, it says some kind of error."

"Yeah, I don't know."

"Okay, well, if you get a chance can you come look at it?"

"Uh . . . yeah, sure."

GAH! What did I just explain? I DON'T KNOW! But, of course, you have to be nice and willing to help because you're just that kind of person. That awkward, always helpful person they think they can get a resolution out of if they just keep asking the same thing over and over again. But my personal favorite is this one:

"Hey, did you work on Thursday by chance?"

"Uh, last Thursday . . . let's see, no, I didn't work that day."

"Oh, well, I was supposed to meet somebody here."

"Oh, well, I wasn't here, so I don't know."

"Okay, I was just wondering if anybody came in and probably looked confused like they were looking for someone?"

"Yeah, I don't know, I didn't work Thursday, so I don't know."

"Well, if you see them can you let them know I'm here?"

"Well, I didn't work Thursday, so I don't know who you're talking about."

"Oh, you'll recognize him, he's just a guy."

"Alright, any guy that comes in I'll send him your way."

What is that? I WASN'T HERE. I CAN'T HELP YOU. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! Here is one more. I call this one "The Stink Eye Lady."

"Hi. Can I get you something?"

"Yes, what kind of fruit do you have today?"

"Oh, we don't have fruit today."

"You don't have fruit."

"No, I'm sorry, can I get you anything else?"

"Well, I was really wanting fruit."

"Uh, okay, I'm sorry, we just don't have any today."

"Well, on your sign it says you have fruit."

"Okay, we don't have any today, so . . . "

I GET THE STINK EYE.

"I'll just have a bottled water."

"Okay, great."

Lady, I am not lying; I am not hiding anything from you. I am simply telling you what we don't have and I can't make it appear just because you keep asking questions. I can't make the seats not say "RESERVED," I can't fix your computer, I can't give you any information on what happen Thursday because I wasn't here and I definitely cannot make food appear on your whim.

Now that you have read this and hopefully get what's happening. I encourage you to go forth and, number one, do not be a "stupid person" and, number two, report back with your conversation because it is unavoidable and I would love to know Michelle and I are not alone in this.

**"Tap Dancing on My Nerves" and "Swinging on my nerves" - Brandon Palma**