Here are the songs I can't get out of my head these past few weeks. And if you have heard them before . . . follow the link below the title and watch my favorite perforamces of the song. Same for if you have not heard them.
Mary - Patty Griffin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOxpvKuEruk
Tiger Mountain Peasant - Fleet Foxes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu_3RS2rO78
Thinking of You - Katy Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4ihigvpUgc
Grey Room - Damien Rice (so much that I was going to write it twice.)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84h2_NBAZt0&feature=related
9 Crimes - Damien Rice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOn5Eudj5tI
Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4_4abCWw-w
"Hooked on a Feeling" and "Jinggle Bells" are always in my head. I didn't notice it until lately, but there it is . . . ALWAYS. And for a brief, but thrilling while this morning, "Proud to be an American" rolled through my head and off my tounge. What song is playing in your head today? Or Always?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
The Just Need to Talk Conversation
My very good friend, Brandon Palma, is my very good friend. I have been without him for some months now and it's wearing on me. He is doing an incredible job interning for the spring
Brandon and I have a very simple/complex friendship. Simple when it needs to be, when it's easy, and complicated like any other life-long friendship is inevitably. Brandon is the friend I can share any kind of feeling with - simple or complex. It can be the feeling of the weather, the feeling of a movie, song, moment, conversation, impending doom situation or just a ridiculous or funny situation. I can be a cryer with Brandon, I can be vulnerable, I can be a girl, I can be quiet, I can be sad, I can be simply happy, I can be fun, I can be stressed, I can be tired, I can be scatterbrained, I can be a singer, I can be a musician, I can be a peacemaker, I can be a person who rants and I can be a better person. I say all these things not to describe who I am, but to describe moments of our friendship. Every single one of these things "I can be" have significant meaning to me and Brandon because they trigger certain memories that have happen between us in these past years of friendship.
semester of INVISIBLE CHILDREN. http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php
He has been working very, very hard for a great cause and purpose. He has even shattered some Invisible Children records while he has been there. I think he has learned a lot and grown so much more than I am able to tell right now. I just miss him being here. It's only for a few months, but it feels like so much longer. Brandon and I have gone to two events together every year since we were old enough. The Youth Drama Retreat (7th-12th grades) and J.A.M. Kamp (4th-6th grades.) We participated every year as campers and have gone on to be leaders at these events (he is now 23 and I am 22.) Since he's been gone, he has missed our Youth Drama Retreat and he will be gone for or Talent Showcase. He will miss my birthday, Easter, and he will be gone right up until J.A.M Kamp. This is making me miss him more than ever because these are all big events in our lives every year and he is such an important part of them all. This is the spring without him and it's so weird and feels so wrong. I am glad he is doing this intership, I am. I just miss him. Brandon has such a big heart and I am glad he gets to spread it around! I hope the people that are with him now know how lucky they are!
Brandon and I have a very simple/complex friendship. Simple when it needs to be, when it's easy, and complicated like any other life-long friendship is inevitably. Brandon is the friend I can share any kind of feeling with - simple or complex. It can be the feeling of the weather, the feeling of a movie, song, moment, conversation, impending doom situation or just a ridiculous or funny situation. I can be a cryer with Brandon, I can be vulnerable, I can be a girl, I can be quiet, I can be sad, I can be simply happy, I can be fun, I can be stressed, I can be tired, I can be scatterbrained, I can be a singer, I can be a musician, I can be a peacemaker, I can be a person who rants and I can be a better person. I say all these things not to describe who I am, but to describe moments of our friendship. Every single one of these things "I can be" have significant meaning to me and Brandon because they trigger certain memories that have happen between us in these past years of friendship.Now, honestly, Brandon can get on my last nerve. We have had misunderstandings, we have had fights, we have had heated discussions, but after each fight we have, there is always a clearing we come to where we are still friends at the end of the bumpy road. How many friends do you have that are actually, really, intently there for you every time, always, no matter what? When you are around someone for so long, you take them for granted and for short periods of time every little thing they do you can come to criticize. However, in these past couple of months, I have seen how I tend to take his friendship for granted. Sure he's just a phone call away, but there is something about sitting in the coffee shop with your friend and talking face to face when you need to talk through something. That is just the converstaion that inspired this blog entry.
I had something pressing on me and I had talked to many people about it, but I didn't feel settled about the subject. Then I randomly texted Brandon something really funny about someone, but unrepeatable for the weak stomached reader. That text told Brandon of my awkward situation and he was having a "bust" day as well. Although funny, this conversation reminded us when we are having an awkward or bad day, we just need to talk to our friends about it and get it off our chest. So he called me and we talked for 30 minutes about what was going on in his world and I got to talk about my pressing matter. Brandon was just the person I needed to talk to. I feel more settled about the situation and I know Brandon knows I can do it and will be great at it. If you have your friends behind you, you can go ahead. I was going to say, "If you have your friends behind you, you can't fail." That's not true though. I might fail, I might regret the decision, I might be in over my head, but it's okay because Brandon, and a handful of my close friends, will still be there no matter how simple or complex the journey may be and that means the world to me.
BRANDON - Good luck, Pal! You know I love you more than my luggage. Remember the same last few sentences go for you too! Do good. Be Brave. ABC FO' LIFE.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Katy Perry is The Truth Conversation
A text message conversation went as follows:
"Just wanted you to know - 'You're an Indian summer in the middle of winter.'"
"Oh man she is not playing."
"My goodness not at all. This song played all those heart strings and slammed on the emotion button. That music video! They don't call me Weepy for nothing."
"Oh man. Alanis the Second, welcome to my life. Youtube her live on Kimmel. I wept."
"That is exactly who I thought it was at first and what a league to be in! I will watch it A.S.A.P."
Now, I know what you're thinking: My friend and I are excellent text messengers with no weird, confusing mumbo-jumbo abbreviations and you appreciate that. However, I need you to focus (but thanks and don't try to text me anything fancy because I wont get it.) I would like to discuss the reason for this intense text message. This song, Thinking of You by Katy Perry, has opened my eyes to a great newish artist.
Now, when I heard her first hit single, "I Kissed a Girl," I was not impressed. Catchy? Energetic? Radio Playable? Yes. For me? No. Then, whilst doing the everyday grind driving, over the radio comes this voice with strange emphasis, stabbing lyrics and a really rocking band. Alanis? No, there is something . . . . different. Who is this? I listen to the rest of the song knowing for sure the announcer will tell me who this is and, of course, the D.J. just pushes along to the next song. GAH! I need the i-Phone Shazam application that listens to the music and tells you the artist and title. But, alas, here I am and another great song, that I tell myself to keep remembering so I can type in the lyrics to Google but always forget, has passed.
Fast forward to a few days ago. I awake to VH-1. I must have fallen asleep to some mind-numbing, yet compelling reality love show. This is a strange occurrence because the staple TV channel to fall asleep to is, of course, Nick-at-Night (I do miss the days of Mary Taylor Moore, Taxi, Dragnet and Alfred Hitchcock.) Playing on VH-1 is this song I have heard before by a girl I recognize. I watch the heart aching video and at the end I am finally given the vital information I need. This song and video struck a chord with me (no pun intended.) I get on my computer, I so conveniently download it from i-Tunes and add it to my playlist. I strongly suggest you do the same and tell the world.
I would like to thank Anna Watkins for winning tickets on the radio for us to go to the concert! How the stars aline.
P.S.
I'd like to thank Katy Perry, Alanis Morissette, Jimmy Kimmel, Google, i-Phone, Shazam, VH-1, Nick-at-Night and i-Tunes for sponsoring this message. I'd do a great product placement show.
"Just wanted you to know - 'You're an Indian summer in the middle of winter.'"
"Oh man she is not playing."
"My goodness not at all. This song played all those heart strings and slammed on the emotion button. That music video! They don't call me Weepy for nothing."
"Oh man. Alanis the Second, welcome to my life. Youtube her live on Kimmel. I wept."
"That is exactly who I thought it was at first and what a league to be in! I will watch it A.S.A.P."
Now, I know what you're thinking: My friend and I are excellent text messengers with no weird, confusing mumbo-jumbo abbreviations and you appreciate that. However, I need you to focus (but thanks and don't try to text me anything fancy because I wont get it.) I would like to discuss the reason for this intense text message. This song, Thinking of You by Katy Perry, has opened my eyes to a great newish artist.
Now, when I heard her first hit single, "I Kissed a Girl," I was not impressed. Catchy? Energetic? Radio Playable? Yes. For me? No. Then, whilst doing the everyday grind driving, over the radio comes this voice with strange emphasis, stabbing lyrics and a really rocking band. Alanis? No, there is something . . . . different. Who is this? I listen to the rest of the song knowing for sure the announcer will tell me who this is and, of course, the D.J. just pushes along to the next song. GAH! I need the i-Phone Shazam application that listens to the music and tells you the artist and title. But, alas, here I am and another great song, that I tell myself to keep remembering so I can type in the lyrics to Google but always forget, has passed.
Fast forward to a few days ago. I awake to VH-1. I must have fallen asleep to some mind-numbing, yet compelling reality love show. This is a strange occurrence because the staple TV channel to fall asleep to is, of course, Nick-at-Night (I do miss the days of Mary Taylor Moore, Taxi, Dragnet and Alfred Hitchcock.) Playing on VH-1 is this song I have heard before by a girl I recognize. I watch the heart aching video and at the end I am finally given the vital information I need. This song and video struck a chord with me (no pun intended.) I get on my computer, I so conveniently download it from i-Tunes and add it to my playlist. I strongly suggest you do the same and tell the world.
I would like to thank Anna Watkins for winning tickets on the radio for us to go to the concert! How the stars aline.
P.S.
I'd like to thank Katy Perry, Alanis Morissette, Jimmy Kimmel, Google, i-Phone, Shazam, VH-1, Nick-at-Night and i-Tunes for sponsoring this message. I'd do a great product placement show.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tap Dancing on My Nerves Conversation
Michelle told me a story around Christmas . . . . actually to be more accurate it was Christmas Eve in which this story took place. It has happened to her before, it's happened to me before and I am sure you have experienced it as well. Only, you haven't noticed it before and neither did I until this enlightening conversation with Michelle. I now notice it so much that it TAP DANCES ON MY NERVES. Therefore, I will bring this occurrence to your attention so you can share the annoyance with me . . . it actually gives you a good story to tell your friends after it happens to you; so, enjoy.
Now, Michelle is a pleasant person. She's helpful, nice, supportive, gives excellent advice. However, you can push that button fast. This Christmas Eve, Michelle's button was pushed by a . . . . . what's a good word for these types of people . . . . stupid person. This "stupid person" (I'm sure you know a version of him) asked Michelle a stupid question: "Are these seats reserved?" Michelle then looks at the RESERVED sign posted at the end of about three rows of chairs and, of course, replies, "Yes." Astonishingly, the conversation continues:
"Well, do you know why they are reserved?"
"Uh, no, I'm sorry, I don't know."
"Well, I was going to move my family up to these seats because they are closer."
"Okay, well, I don't know who they are for."
"Well, I really wanted to move up. Do you think I could do that?"
"Sir, I don't know who the seats are for, so I don't know if they would mind. I just don't know."
"Okay, well, if you see anybody, can you ask them if they would let my family move up here?"
"Sir, I am sure they are reserved for a reason, so I'm not going to ask them."
"Okay, so should I ask them?"
"Okay," and Michelle walks away.
Once she told me this story I recalled a slight, faded memory of this happening to me, but surely, this was not a regular occurrence with people. However, "stupid people" will never let you down. Since this conversation, this situation has occurred in my life at an alarming rate. One day it happened four times.
I work in a coffee shop, so I get a lot of those: "Are yawl like a Starbucks?" or the "Can you make a peppermint hot chocolate like Starbucks?" I would like to reply, "Oh, gosh, you know, actually Starbucks has a hold on all peppermint and chocolate syrups in the entire world, so we can't, sorry." This people are idiots, but I embrace them because it makes me laugh and I can tell my friends about these people and brush them off. However, the people of the "stupid people" category we have created, I cannot brush off nor laugh at because the questions they ask jump on and swing on my nerves. For instance:
"Does yawl's computer work back here?"
"Uh, let me see. Yep, it's working."
"Well, my computer doesn't work up at the front."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not really good with computers. Maybe you can ask the company computer guy."
"Oh, well, I don't really know what to ask him. It's saying some kind of error? . . . ."
"Oh, I have no clue what that means, so . . ."
PAUSE. They just stare.
"But your computer works back here?"
"Yes, it works."
"Okay, well, it says some kind of error."
"Yeah, I don't know."
"Okay, well, if you get a chance can you come look at it?"
"Uh . . . yeah, sure."
GAH! What did I just explain? I DON'T KNOW! But, of course, you have to be nice and willing to help because you're just that kind of person. That awkward, always helpful person they think they can get a resolution out of if they just keep asking the same thing over and over again. But my personal favorite is this one:
"Hey, did you work on Thursday by chance?"
"Uh, last Thursday . . . let's see, no, I didn't work that day."
"Oh, well, I was supposed to meet somebody here."
"Oh, well, I wasn't here, so I don't know."
"Okay, I was just wondering if anybody came in and probably looked confused like they were looking for someone?"
"Yeah, I don't know, I didn't work Thursday, so I don't know."
"Well, if you see them can you let them know I'm here?"
"Well, I didn't work Thursday, so I don't know who you're talking about."
"Oh, you'll recognize him, he's just a guy."
"Alright, any guy that comes in I'll send him your way."
What is that? I WASN'T HERE. I CAN'T HELP YOU. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! Here is one more. I call this one "The Stink Eye Lady."
"Hi. Can I get you something?"
"Yes, what kind of fruit do you have today?"
"Oh, we don't have fruit today."
"You don't have fruit."
"No, I'm sorry, can I get you anything else?"
"Well, I was really wanting fruit."
"Uh, okay, I'm sorry, we just don't have any today."
"Well, on your sign it says you have fruit."
"Okay, we don't have any today, so . . . "
I GET THE STINK EYE.
"I'll just have a bottled water."
"Okay, great."
Lady, I am not lying; I am not hiding anything from you. I am simply telling you what we don't have and I can't make it appear just because you keep asking questions. I can't make the seats not say "RESERVED," I can't fix your computer, I can't give you any information on what happen Thursday because I wasn't here and I definitely cannot make food appear on your whim.
Now that you have read this and hopefully get what's happening. I encourage you to go forth and, number one, do not be a "stupid person" and, number two, report back with your conversation because it is unavoidable and I would love to know Michelle and I are not alone in this.
**"Tap Dancing on My Nerves" and "Swinging on my nerves" - Brandon Palma**
Now, Michelle is a pleasant person. She's helpful, nice, supportive, gives excellent advice. However, you can push that button fast. This Christmas Eve, Michelle's button was pushed by a . . . . . what's a good word for these types of people . . . . stupid person. This "stupid person" (I'm sure you know a version of him) asked Michelle a stupid question: "Are these seats reserved?" Michelle then looks at the RESERVED sign posted at the end of about three rows of chairs and, of course, replies, "Yes." Astonishingly, the conversation continues:
"Well, do you know why they are reserved?"
"Uh, no, I'm sorry, I don't know."
"Well, I was going to move my family up to these seats because they are closer."
"Okay, well, I don't know who they are for."
"Well, I really wanted to move up. Do you think I could do that?"
"Sir, I don't know who the seats are for, so I don't know if they would mind. I just don't know."
"Okay, well, if you see anybody, can you ask them if they would let my family move up here?"
"Sir, I am sure they are reserved for a reason, so I'm not going to ask them."
"Okay, so should I ask them?"
"Okay," and Michelle walks away.
Once she told me this story I recalled a slight, faded memory of this happening to me, but surely, this was not a regular occurrence with people. However, "stupid people" will never let you down. Since this conversation, this situation has occurred in my life at an alarming rate. One day it happened four times.
I work in a coffee shop, so I get a lot of those: "Are yawl like a Starbucks?" or the "Can you make a peppermint hot chocolate like Starbucks?" I would like to reply, "Oh, gosh, you know, actually Starbucks has a hold on all peppermint and chocolate syrups in the entire world, so we can't, sorry." This people are idiots, but I embrace them because it makes me laugh and I can tell my friends about these people and brush them off. However, the people of the "stupid people" category we have created, I cannot brush off nor laugh at because the questions they ask jump on and swing on my nerves. For instance:
"Does yawl's computer work back here?"
"Uh, let me see. Yep, it's working."
"Well, my computer doesn't work up at the front."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not really good with computers. Maybe you can ask the company computer guy."
"Oh, well, I don't really know what to ask him. It's saying some kind of error? . . . ."
"Oh, I have no clue what that means, so . . ."
PAUSE. They just stare.
"But your computer works back here?"
"Yes, it works."
"Okay, well, it says some kind of error."
"Yeah, I don't know."
"Okay, well, if you get a chance can you come look at it?"
"Uh . . . yeah, sure."
GAH! What did I just explain? I DON'T KNOW! But, of course, you have to be nice and willing to help because you're just that kind of person. That awkward, always helpful person they think they can get a resolution out of if they just keep asking the same thing over and over again. But my personal favorite is this one:
"Hey, did you work on Thursday by chance?"
"Uh, last Thursday . . . let's see, no, I didn't work that day."
"Oh, well, I was supposed to meet somebody here."
"Oh, well, I wasn't here, so I don't know."
"Okay, I was just wondering if anybody came in and probably looked confused like they were looking for someone?"
"Yeah, I don't know, I didn't work Thursday, so I don't know."
"Well, if you see them can you let them know I'm here?"
"Well, I didn't work Thursday, so I don't know who you're talking about."
"Oh, you'll recognize him, he's just a guy."
"Alright, any guy that comes in I'll send him your way."
What is that? I WASN'T HERE. I CAN'T HELP YOU. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! Here is one more. I call this one "The Stink Eye Lady."
"Hi. Can I get you something?"
"Yes, what kind of fruit do you have today?"
"Oh, we don't have fruit today."
"You don't have fruit."
"No, I'm sorry, can I get you anything else?"
"Well, I was really wanting fruit."
"Uh, okay, I'm sorry, we just don't have any today."
"Well, on your sign it says you have fruit."
"Okay, we don't have any today, so . . . "
I GET THE STINK EYE.
"I'll just have a bottled water."
"Okay, great."
Lady, I am not lying; I am not hiding anything from you. I am simply telling you what we don't have and I can't make it appear just because you keep asking questions. I can't make the seats not say "RESERVED," I can't fix your computer, I can't give you any information on what happen Thursday because I wasn't here and I definitely cannot make food appear on your whim.
Now that you have read this and hopefully get what's happening. I encourage you to go forth and, number one, do not be a "stupid person" and, number two, report back with your conversation because it is unavoidable and I would love to know Michelle and I are not alone in this.
**"Tap Dancing on My Nerves" and "Swinging on my nerves" - Brandon Palma**
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Important Conversation
You have conversations. Some happen at work, some in your "other" life, with your family, friends, strangers. Some conversations get things done, some undo things, some are revelations, some are confusing, and some you can't even remember what you where talking about during the conversation. Out of all these conversations you have from day to day, can you remember your most important one? How about your top ten most important? Mine happened just recently.
I was trying to think of some conversations I would put up against this one as being more important - like the one I had with my College Dean when I wasn't going to graduate . . . yeah, that was important. Or several of the ones I've had with my family regarding our changing family dynamics and so forth. I think it's even more important than my conversation I had with my best friend from middle school when I told her we were moving. Yes, these were all very important conversations at the time, however, I believe this tops them all. The reason why it tops them is because it's not centered around me. All these important, tough conversations I can remember concern what will happen in my life. Although this particular conversation will change my life, it will change my perspective from, "How I can make the best of it for me?" to "How I can make it the best for someone else? Someone I haven't even met." Confusing yet? I guess you would like to hear the story.
It was Saturday night at 10:56 p.m. Being February 1st, it was of course freezing in my house. I can't stand to be cold, so my remedy, seeing as changing the thermostat is punishable by death, is to jump in a steaming hot bath and then get into bed as soon as possible. This was my plan at 10:56 p.m. on February 1st. I had just kicked off my shoes, picked out my pajamas, and headed for the bathroom when my cell phone buzzed. I paused. Who would be calling me at 11:00 at night? I turned back to my bedroom and listened for the buzzing again. I couldn't find it. I threw my p.j.'s on the bed and frantically began wading through the sea of clothes that more often than not covers my carpeted floor. Something about it being so late and the fact I couldn't seem to find the phone made me very panicked. Clothes started flying through the air and then back down into the depths. The buzzing continued. Where was that phone? It buzzed again and again and then it was silent. Oh great. Now I have to find the house phone, bring it up here, call my phone and continue the search. Gah!
There was no waiting till tomorrow to find the phone. It must have been an important call including a very important conversation for someone to call that late and to wait out all the rings till the voicemail message cut it off. So, I get the house phone, I search some more and, wouldn't you know it, there it is - hidden beneath the down comforter of my bed, not on the floor at all. It's Cortney. Cortney, my sister, had called me. Well then, there was no reason for such panic. I know exactly what she was calling about - to ask me to come to her church on Sunday for the new series. I could just call her tomorrow, but I'd probably forget, so I called her right back. What I heard was not the subject topic I was expecting. It went something like this:
"Hello"
"Hey, Cort. You rang?"
"Yeah, what are you up to?"
"Well, I was about to get in the bath and go to bed."
"Yeah, can you come over here?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah, I need to talk to you about something"
"Okay, Cortney, about what?"
"I just need to talk to you."
"What about?"
"I can't tell you over the phone, I need to sit down and talk to you."
"Did I do something?"
"No, I just want to talk."
"Okay, cause you're making it sound like I'm being called into an office or something. Is it about me?"
"Yeah, it's about you but it's about me too. Can you just come over?"
"Sure, I'll be there in a little while."
"And don't tell Mom, I don't want to involve her yet."
"Uh, okay."
YIKES. What did that mean? I put my shoes back on, threw on my coat and into the cold night I went. On the way, I was thinking several things. I thought of how I was just about to be warm. I was just about to put my p.j.'s on and turn out the lights so my room could turn into the darkest of caves. I was just about to sink into my pillow top mattress, pull my worn-in quilt and down comforter around me and I was just about to be peacefully asleep. However, here I am: in a cold car with my hands on a cold sterning wheel, listening to a protesting cold engine whine down the road. I was about to get out and walk across a cold, scary apartment complex parking lot and into a cold apartment. I was, in a word: uncomfortable. I had other thoughts as well to add to this uncomfortableness. "What could she want to talk to me about? Can I think of anything I have done really wrong in the past couple of months? Has she done something wrong and wants to talk to someone about it?" Of course it had to be something horrible, something serious, something terribly wrong. There was no room for doubt there. I had to start preparing myself for the worst. She would answer the door all red and watery eyed or she would look very stern and hesitant. She would no dobut try to lead into the harsh news and I would get those nervous butterflies. This is not going to be good. I pulled into the closest parking space I could find, first for safety, second for a quick entrance into the apartment. I took a deep breath (Gah, it's cold) and went to the door.
Cortney invited me in.
Cortney had a fire going.
Cortney's apartment was warm.
Cortney's expression was kind, excited even.
Cortney invited me to sit next to the fire.
Cortney moved to a box on top of the coffee table.
Cortney pulled out a plastic bag with three sticks in it.
Cortney told me I was going to be an Aunt.
Cortney, the baby and I sat next to the fire and had a very important
Conversation.
I was trying to think of some conversations I would put up against this one as being more important - like the one I had with my College Dean when I wasn't going to graduate . . . yeah, that was important. Or several of the ones I've had with my family regarding our changing family dynamics and so forth. I think it's even more important than my conversation I had with my best friend from middle school when I told her we were moving. Yes, these were all very important conversations at the time, however, I believe this tops them all. The reason why it tops them is because it's not centered around me. All these important, tough conversations I can remember concern what will happen in my life. Although this particular conversation will change my life, it will change my perspective from, "How I can make the best of it for me?" to "How I can make it the best for someone else? Someone I haven't even met." Confusing yet? I guess you would like to hear the story.
It was Saturday night at 10:56 p.m. Being February 1st, it was of course freezing in my house. I can't stand to be cold, so my remedy, seeing as changing the thermostat is punishable by death, is to jump in a steaming hot bath and then get into bed as soon as possible. This was my plan at 10:56 p.m. on February 1st. I had just kicked off my shoes, picked out my pajamas, and headed for the bathroom when my cell phone buzzed. I paused. Who would be calling me at 11:00 at night? I turned back to my bedroom and listened for the buzzing again. I couldn't find it. I threw my p.j.'s on the bed and frantically began wading through the sea of clothes that more often than not covers my carpeted floor. Something about it being so late and the fact I couldn't seem to find the phone made me very panicked. Clothes started flying through the air and then back down into the depths. The buzzing continued. Where was that phone? It buzzed again and again and then it was silent. Oh great. Now I have to find the house phone, bring it up here, call my phone and continue the search. Gah!
There was no waiting till tomorrow to find the phone. It must have been an important call including a very important conversation for someone to call that late and to wait out all the rings till the voicemail message cut it off. So, I get the house phone, I search some more and, wouldn't you know it, there it is - hidden beneath the down comforter of my bed, not on the floor at all. It's Cortney. Cortney, my sister, had called me. Well then, there was no reason for such panic. I know exactly what she was calling about - to ask me to come to her church on Sunday for the new series. I could just call her tomorrow, but I'd probably forget, so I called her right back. What I heard was not the subject topic I was expecting. It went something like this:
"Hello"
"Hey, Cort. You rang?"
"Yeah, what are you up to?"
"Well, I was about to get in the bath and go to bed."
"Yeah, can you come over here?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah, I need to talk to you about something"
"Okay, Cortney, about what?"
"I just need to talk to you."
"What about?"
"I can't tell you over the phone, I need to sit down and talk to you."
"Did I do something?"
"No, I just want to talk."
"Okay, cause you're making it sound like I'm being called into an office or something. Is it about me?"
"Yeah, it's about you but it's about me too. Can you just come over?"
"Sure, I'll be there in a little while."
"And don't tell Mom, I don't want to involve her yet."
"Uh, okay."
YIKES. What did that mean? I put my shoes back on, threw on my coat and into the cold night I went. On the way, I was thinking several things. I thought of how I was just about to be warm. I was just about to put my p.j.'s on and turn out the lights so my room could turn into the darkest of caves. I was just about to sink into my pillow top mattress, pull my worn-in quilt and down comforter around me and I was just about to be peacefully asleep. However, here I am: in a cold car with my hands on a cold sterning wheel, listening to a protesting cold engine whine down the road. I was about to get out and walk across a cold, scary apartment complex parking lot and into a cold apartment. I was, in a word: uncomfortable. I had other thoughts as well to add to this uncomfortableness. "What could she want to talk to me about? Can I think of anything I have done really wrong in the past couple of months? Has she done something wrong and wants to talk to someone about it?" Of course it had to be something horrible, something serious, something terribly wrong. There was no room for doubt there. I had to start preparing myself for the worst. She would answer the door all red and watery eyed or she would look very stern and hesitant. She would no dobut try to lead into the harsh news and I would get those nervous butterflies. This is not going to be good. I pulled into the closest parking space I could find, first for safety, second for a quick entrance into the apartment. I took a deep breath (Gah, it's cold) and went to the door.
Cortney invited me in.
Cortney had a fire going.
Cortney's apartment was warm.
Cortney's expression was kind, excited even.
Cortney invited me to sit next to the fire.
Cortney moved to a box on top of the coffee table.
Cortney pulled out a plastic bag with three sticks in it.
Cortney told me I was going to be an Aunt.
Cortney, the baby and I sat next to the fire and had a very important
Conversation.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Need Conversation
It's overwhelming how much people need, isn't it? I know some people need more than others, but still, everyone needs a lot of things. Just think of something you need.
I would say the main thing people need is money. "Money can't buy you happiness." Well, I think it can if you're in the right circumstance. You can't depend on that alone, of course, but it would make me happy. And if not money, then what else is a universal solver? Love? Friendship? I can tell you one thing, I am glad I am one of the people who is in need of money instead of needing friendship or love.
That thought was sprung from a brief conversation I had with one of my friends recently, but her thought went something like, "It's overwhelming how many people need." I, being superficial, changed it to "how much I need" instead of "how many people need." If you knew the exact number of people on the planet, you would know exactly how many people need because we are all in need of something. A car, a house, more money, a jacket, a blanket, food, a pillow, a friend, a family.
I think what most of us need (whether we know it or not) is to meet other's needs. It's gratifying, and yet, how little we actually do it. What does that say about you and me? We can do it everyday, if not in a big, meaningful way, at least in a small way. Helping out our friend with a project, taking care of something you know no one else will, talking to someone who you don't really want to spend time talking to but you know it will help. A lot of people just need your attention and time. Can you give it?
The hardest thing to do is give your family what they need. I'm not talking about providing the essentials for them, but just being there for them on the everyday. The people you are closest to, the people no one else will see you give to, are the hardest people to be kind to and generous with.
If I could provide a need, would I be okay seeing someone else get what they needed and not me? Would I be okay with that? Would it come back around? Would I be okay if it didn't?
The way I see it, the one thing everyone needs is love. If you love someone, truly, not just because you have to, then you will meet their needs. If you love people, then strangers will get what they need as well. This Presidency of Obama is trying to promote human kindness, unity and understanding. However, it's more about a hope in Humanity than in one man. It will take all of us to meet the need of our country and each other individually. I'll work on that.
I would say the main thing people need is money. "Money can't buy you happiness." Well, I think it can if you're in the right circumstance. You can't depend on that alone, of course, but it would make me happy. And if not money, then what else is a universal solver? Love? Friendship? I can tell you one thing, I am glad I am one of the people who is in need of money instead of needing friendship or love.
That thought was sprung from a brief conversation I had with one of my friends recently, but her thought went something like, "It's overwhelming how many people need." I, being superficial, changed it to "how much I need" instead of "how many people need." If you knew the exact number of people on the planet, you would know exactly how many people need because we are all in need of something. A car, a house, more money, a jacket, a blanket, food, a pillow, a friend, a family.
I think what most of us need (whether we know it or not) is to meet other's needs. It's gratifying, and yet, how little we actually do it. What does that say about you and me? We can do it everyday, if not in a big, meaningful way, at least in a small way. Helping out our friend with a project, taking care of something you know no one else will, talking to someone who you don't really want to spend time talking to but you know it will help. A lot of people just need your attention and time. Can you give it?
The hardest thing to do is give your family what they need. I'm not talking about providing the essentials for them, but just being there for them on the everyday. The people you are closest to, the people no one else will see you give to, are the hardest people to be kind to and generous with.
If I could provide a need, would I be okay seeing someone else get what they needed and not me? Would I be okay with that? Would it come back around? Would I be okay if it didn't?
The way I see it, the one thing everyone needs is love. If you love someone, truly, not just because you have to, then you will meet their needs. If you love people, then strangers will get what they need as well. This Presidency of Obama is trying to promote human kindness, unity and understanding. However, it's more about a hope in Humanity than in one man. It will take all of us to meet the need of our country and each other individually. I'll work on that.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The Start Conversation
I have always wanted to take a huge road trip on my own. I know how dangerous that is, I know how lonely I would get and I know how much money that would be, but it doesn't change anything. I want to do something adventurous, out of the ordinary. I keep thinking if I can just get away I can mean something or discover something, be a different person. I have waited a long time to take that journey and I knew if I got the chance, I would come back changed.
However, as I begun to think about all this, I realized I don't have to go away and I shouldn't wait on something to change me; I need to and can change myself. I am already on a trip and I have everyday to change something about me, to do something exciting or worth while. I am always waiting to do something, and I know there are certain things you have to wait for, but the things I want to do, I can start doing now. It just will take me actually starting it.
You know when you had to (or have to) write and essay and the hardest part is actually sitting down and starting? Once you've started, everything flows and you can go back and fix things if necessary. If I can just start something, this one thing in particular, I know it will flow and be okay, but where to start? How to start? How come I keep pushing it off? Is it because there is no actual due date?
How do you start your life you want to live? By making decisions; by sticking my them. A noble person does not just become noble by only wanting to be, they make the decision and then stick by it. I want to be a person who doesn't waste their words, stands up for what's right, makes hard decisions, and actively pursues challenges. Who isn't judgemental, who doesn't care for appearances, doesn't need approval from everyone. I want to chase my vision and have hope it will come true.
All I have to do is start. I can't wait for someone to tell me what to do. I've done that long enough. I have to tell myself. I have to stand up to the opposing side and start being the person I want to be.
However, as I begun to think about all this, I realized I don't have to go away and I shouldn't wait on something to change me; I need to and can change myself. I am already on a trip and I have everyday to change something about me, to do something exciting or worth while. I am always waiting to do something, and I know there are certain things you have to wait for, but the things I want to do, I can start doing now. It just will take me actually starting it.
You know when you had to (or have to) write and essay and the hardest part is actually sitting down and starting? Once you've started, everything flows and you can go back and fix things if necessary. If I can just start something, this one thing in particular, I know it will flow and be okay, but where to start? How to start? How come I keep pushing it off? Is it because there is no actual due date?
How do you start your life you want to live? By making decisions; by sticking my them. A noble person does not just become noble by only wanting to be, they make the decision and then stick by it. I want to be a person who doesn't waste their words, stands up for what's right, makes hard decisions, and actively pursues challenges. Who isn't judgemental, who doesn't care for appearances, doesn't need approval from everyone. I want to chase my vision and have hope it will come true.
All I have to do is start. I can't wait for someone to tell me what to do. I've done that long enough. I have to tell myself. I have to stand up to the opposing side and start being the person I want to be.
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